Oh no! Another caper!
Cindy & Wayne at son Kyle’s wedding. Here because I know she would hate that other late night picture of her! This one shows how beautiful she is…
My sister was ‘Ethel’ to my ‘Lucy’. Like the original duo; we were always getting ourselves into one scrap after another - well, I was usually getting us into one scrape after another. I would come up with a scheme; and Cindy would hesitate. Sometimes the question came, “Do you think that’s a good idea?”.
But hey, there was always a reason I did; and so eventually she would tag along. I think often due to needing to play damage control - or maybe to see how it would turn out. In every case, just like the original Ethel and Lucy, it did ‘turn out’; but rarely as we expected. Nonetheless, it left us laughing afterward - and fortunately with enough life to laugh another day.
The above photo is a classic example. My son had just created an identity page (or whatever they call it) on a dating website. Well, I wondered what it said, and what kind of girl he was looking for. Of course, I could just ask, but… And the difficulty was that you had to have an identity on this webpage in order to see anyone else’s information! But for a ‘Lucy’ girl like me; roadblocks are just there to get around.
And then Cindy came to visit. While talking about it, I had a new hair-brained scheme - “Ya know,” I said, “let’s just make a fake girl’s identity, and put all the things I think he is looking for on that fake girl’s page - that way we can spy on his page!”
Cindy gave me her, ‘do you think this is a good idea’ look - but I was already off to the races. It was easy enough to create an identity and waalaa - I was able to check out his page! All of the information was basically what I thought it would be, as I knew he was the catch of the century. Mission accomplished!
And then I tried to erase the fake girl. Do you know it is not as easy as you think? Right about this time, Cindy asked the question I HADN’T thought of when scheming… “What are you going to do if he reaches out to you for a date?”
You know how in the movies people get the ‘big eyes’ and ‘panicked look’ on their faces? Well, that would be me right about then. But we laughed hysterically as I frantically figured out how to vaporize the fake girl; and we continued to laugh for years afterward, every time we remembered it.
This memory came to me again recently, as I was going through photos to send out for prayer and came across this one. My sister is dying. For all these years, I never thought about life without Ethel; but now I am. And they are not funny thoughts this time. They are thoughts filled with sadness.
Cindy has led a remarkable life in that it has been quiet; and yet has lit up the world. I cannot even begin to think of all the people she has helped throughout the years. For she has played that supportive role in countless other people’s lives too.
It’s not a role that usually gets much attention. In today’s ’15 minutes of fame’; it doesn’t even get One. But that’s if measured on THIS side of eternity’s standards. On the other side - I can’t even begin to imagine the fame, and the glory. Guess we’ll all find out.
And I WANT to find out. Not just about the glory; but about the ‘Why’.
Why?
Cindy has struggled with MS for over 50 years; being diagnosed as a young mother. Through it all, she never complained; never mentioned it. In fact, few people even knew. Then the diabetes came about 10 years ago. Nonetheless, she continued to provide total care for our parents who lived next door to her. As much as I love them; they were a fairly demanding lot. And Cindy was the brunt of those demands. No matter that at times she could barely walk; they would have her running up to their house to do one thing or the other for them.
Long after they could no longer live independently, they insisted on no one else helping them - except Cindy. And she did. They passed away just a few years ago - and FINALLY, Cindy had some relief and the ability to live for herself. Right until the Leukemia showed up.
And so it has been a slow walk in mortal combat with that. She finally had a reprieve when, after prayer, her cancer, diabetes and MS went away; but then the doctors convinced her to have a bone marrow transplant ‘to be safe’.
The transplant cells attacked her lungs; and she is slowly dying as oxygen struggles more and more to get throughout her body. Yet even in her unconscious state, she continues to care for others - even if only in her now foggy mind.
She called last week, late at night, out of the blue. “Susie,” she said, “where are you and Bob? Wayne and I are going over and picking up the folks, and then we are heading your way. But we need to know where you are!”
Ever the ‘Lucy’ playing to my precious ‘Ethel’; I realized that to say, ‘Cindy, mom and dad are dead. What are you talking about?’ would do nothing but hurt and confuse her. And so, I responded with the most factually correct thing I could think of:
“Well, remember Cindy, how LONG it takes mom to get ready!! By the time she is done, it will be way too late to go anywhere. So just tell them we will wait until the morning; and then we can go.”
“Okay,” she said, “good idea.” And hung up.
It certainly helps, in situations like these, to know that when we are ALL on the other side of eternity - we will be laughing about this one too. And even my mom, who will no longer be embarrassed to state the truth, will laugh along also.
This is a knowledge that I have known a long time; but that has been made even more clear recently, by my Uncle Robby.
I never knew Robby. He died at age 25, before I was born. And his too, was a seemingly tragic life. The short version is that he joined the Navy at age 16, two months before Pearl Harbor; and fought throughout the entire Second World War - in the Western Theatre, and when that war was won - in the Eastern one. By the time he returned home at around age 22 - he was a combat hardened veteran.
He eventually joined the Merchant Marines as an officer, and began sailing the world. Shortly after age 25, he was killed in a suspicious accident. When my grandfather and great-uncle went to Baltimore to claim his body, they asked questions about his death. The response, at that crime-ridden harbor at that time in history, was “What’s one more dead Mick around here, anyway?”
Humiliated, horrified and grief-stricken, the family returned home with their precious son; buried him in the family plot, put his things away - and never spoke of him again. After all, so many of their neighbors had sons who never even came home from the war - it was a nation reeling from death - and now they were too.
But the grief that hardened into locked up memories betrayed a family that had forgotten their God. They had forgotten that His view is much, much bigger than ours - and that in HIS world - there is a reason for everything. This was made clear to me at the concert.
We were at a Christian concert this summer; and the band was playing some kind of song about Jesus conquering evil, and it suddenly hit me. “Oh my goodness,” I blurted out to the Lord, “oh my goodness! When you came into this world to conquer the enemy, it must have been the . Biggest . Military . Operation. EVER!!!”
For to have snuck into this world, without ever letting satan or his legions of demons know what the REAL purpose of Christ becoming man was - had to have been the most TOP SECRET of all operations. AND one that they actually pulled off! For when Christ died on that cross, and satan thought that he had been the most victorious of all created beings EVER - what must it have been like when he realized that he, as evil and cunningly intelligent as he was, had been duped? The howls that must have filled hell are probably still reverberating there today.
Very softly, but firmly, I heart the Lord answer - “Yes, but you don’t think the operation is over yet, do you?”
And quick as a wink He showed me that it is still ongoing. After all, this battle is not over. It is not over until every single solitary soul is freed from the lies of the enemy; is freed to know the truth - and to choose to live in it. And so, each one of us - each and EVERY one of us - is in our own little military outpost; and we are fighting this battle to push back the kingdom of darkness in our own little world - moment by precious moment - at our point in history, until we are called home.
As I nodded with this revelation; the Lord showed me something else. He showed me D-Day; and the countless souls that were saved when those soldiers came marching ashore to free all of Europe. All of those souls, including my Uncle’s, had done their job in their own lifetime - of pushing back the darkness.
But then, God showed me something else, as I saw that it was only the 3rd or 4th wave of men on the beach - who finally managed to break through. The first ones - never made it. They died so that the others could follow. And their deaths, allowed millions to be freed. Yet every single one of those deaths was nothing more than a tragedy back home. A young life cut short, a tragic ‘waste’.
And so it made sense, I supposed, to never claim a ‘tragedy’ until I knew the full picture. Smug in that lesson, I let it lie.
And then I found the old letter. It was from my father, all of 16 years old. He was writing to my uncle Robby, his big brother, who was now traveling the world in the Merchant Marines. My dad gushed of his excitement to “join” Robby as soon as he graduated; as many of his friends were already doing. He couldn’t wait to ‘see the world’ with the big brother he idolized; and impatiently spoke of how hard it was to wait. My dad’s future was great in his eyes - the 2 brothers seeing the world together.
And then Robby died.
Do you know that we have a lifetime of information stored up in our little brains? And sometimes it just sits there - until God knows you need to use it. This was such a time.
I remembered my dad telling me, decades ago, in secret about the night his brother died. Dad was asleep in his bed in New York; and suddenly Robby appeared and woke him up! This was not unusual, since Robby had done that when home on leave during the War. My dad was so excited to see him that he leapt up in excitement; but this time, Robby was not laughing in joy. Dad told me that Robby was very serious, and kept telling him, “Gerard, I want you to grow up. I want you to be a good man. Get married, have a family, Gerard, be a good man. I want you to grow up, Gerard, have a good life. Be a good husband and father. Be a good man.”
Dad slowly grew tired of talk like that; and fell back asleep. The next day, he jumped out of bed and ran downstairs to see Robby; but he wasn’t there. In fact, there was no sign at all that he had been there; and everyone was puzzled at dad’s story. Until the men showed up at the door later that day, and told my grandmother that her son Robert was dead. He had died the day before. In fact, shortly before he had shown up at my father’s bedside, to wake him up - and to tell him there was a change to dad’s plans… Robby had taken a detour back home to see my father - on his way to his real home in heaven.
A year later, instead of seeing the world with his big brother - my dad married my mother, who had been his childhood sweetheart. He went on to try to be “a good husband, a good father, and a good man” for the remainder of his life.
And it changed everything, because dear readers, if Robby had not died; you would not be reading this. I would not be here; and neither would Cindy - we were both born just a few years after my parents married. A marriage that would have never happened - if not for Robby’s death.
Today, there are untold numbers of people who have been influenced by my parents and all our lives; and our children’s lives; and now our grandchildren’s lives. Countless numbers will greet us again on the other side of eternity where not just ‘big’ things are glorified - but even the quiet little things that bring the Love of Christ to others in this often dark world.
And so, do we really know what the big picture is? As a priest told me once during the nightmare of Covid:
“We are a Post Christian nation; it’s gone.
There are Bishops with the program; Bishops without
But the Church exploded in growth in Roman Pagan Persecution
In ‘Christian America’ in the 70’s & 80’s, it shrank.
So, I don’t know what’s ‘Good for Us’ anymore.
Paul was sitting in prison; and singing:
If he lived, it was good; if he died, it was good.
He didn’t care.
So, pay attention to the Good News; and not the bad news.
I’ve seen incredible faith and growth during Covid.
So, who knows what is ‘good for us’ anymore?
Trust in God.”
As I grieve at the idea of life without my ‘Ethel’; I can only do that. I can step back for a few minutes and look at the glory of her life. Her friends have come up to me confiding that she is the inspiration they have when their own lives are tanking - that thinking of Cindy’s quiet sufferings and heroic overcoming, have given them the strength to continue on. The ‘ripple effect’ of her life; and the life of her husband Wayne as he has heroically stood by and cared for her for all these decades; will go on to enlighten countless lives that we will never know on this side of eternity. But we will on the next.
And so I need to remind myself that there is a much bigger picture; and I don’t know it. But the One who DOES ‘know what is good for us (all)’ does; and He alone holds it all in His most Capable and most Merciful Hands.
Trust in God.